WTF?
by profigymulligan
Summary: Harry dies for the eighth time and he is not impressed and neither are those who watch over him. Harry doesn't get mad, he gets even. H/HR
1. Chapter 1

WTF?

Prologue.

Disclaimer: I do not own harry Potter or any characters in the Harry Potter series. I also am not making any money from this and so there.

Harry Potter blinked and found himself in a room akin to a waiting room in a Muggle Doctor's office. Not that he knew what that looked like from personal experience, but he had seen something similar on the telly one of the few times he glimpsed it while working for the Dursleys. The room was a bright white and he saw that he was the only person in the room besides what appeared to be a receptionist who was busy working on a computer.

The woman finally seemed to notice him as she suddenly looked up directly at him and her face went very pale as he heard her swear under her breath.

"Harry, what are you doing here?" She asked him in an exasperated voice. Harry was now very confused as although he did not know the receptionist, she certainly seemed to know him. His confusion must have been apparent as she sighed and picked up a phone and tapped out a few numbers. She waited for a few seconds and then began whispering into the phone. From what he could hear of the other person's conversation, he gathered they were not pleased. After a minute or so, she hung up the phone, turned back to him, and gestured to the door behind her.

"Please go through the door Harry and follow the hall to the door at the end. Marcus will be waiting for you."

Harry nodded and walked to the door and through it. He found himself in a long hallway with no doors bar one right at the end. He approached the door and knocked lightly. Hearing a voice bid him to enter he did so.

The room he entered was a rather cosy looking office that had wood panelling and a large bookshelf behind the desk filled with large and apparently old tomes of knowledge. To the left of the desk stood a row of wood panelled filing cabinets. Harry's attention then switched to the occupant of the room sitting behind the desk. The man had stood when he entered and Harry's head craned backwards as he met the man's eyes. He must have been at least 7 feet tall and had quite an athletic body that was encased in a finely tailored suit. His hair was black and shoulder-length and his eyes were a piercing blue that seemed to bypass your eyes and look right into your soul. His skin though rather than being the normal healthy pink was a pale white.

As harry approached the man before him he saw the man begin to smile. The smile was not a happy smile; it was not pleasant at all. The smile reminded him that he had important business somewhere else far away, from where this man was. Marcus held out his hand to Harry, who out of instinct grasped it. He felt how incredibly strong the man was, although he did not hurt Harry, Harry could feel the barely contained strength behind the grip.

"Hello Harry." The man known as Marcus greeted him. "You are probably wondering what the hell is going on and how it is I know you. Take a seat and we'll talk so you fully understand before I explain your options from this point onwards."

Harry relieved that the man was not going to do something horrible to him sat down in the comfortable armchair that was situated on his side of the desk while Marcus sat his quite large frame in his padded office chair.

"Well the first thing to let you know is this is the receiving area for the newly departed from the world. This means that at this point in time you are dead." Marcus explained to Harry.

Harry on his part did not really feel that surprised. Considering all of the trials, he had gone through before and after finding out about the magical world and being a wizard, knew that one day his luck would catch up with him and he would end up in this situation. Taking note of Harry's apparent acceptance of the facts so far, he continued.

"Unfortunately this is not your first time to see us as you may have figured out already by the fact that the receptionist and I know you by sight. This is in fact your 8th visit to us, well before your time to depart according to your fate."

Harry was simply shocked at this point. Eight times? He knew his luck in his life was shitty to be honest when it came to getting into dangerous situations, but his luck then also managed to scrape him out of most situations without harm or if he was harmed, it was easily fixed. He now wondered if he had really been as lucky as he thought.

Marcus, seeing his contemplative look, nodded before retrieving a large folder from one of the filing cabinets. He sat back down and opened it and pulled out a piece of parchment and began to read.

"Your first death occurred only when you were 4 years old and your Uncle beat you so severely that you died in the night. Your second death occurred when you arrived back home from the zoo and your cousin's eleventh birthday after you set that snake on him and his friend. Again courtesy of your Uncle. Your third death was during your first quidditch match when you actually did fall off your broom as your soul mate, some Granger girl was not quick enough to set the teacher's robes on fire. The fourth was during your second year when your head affected the dashboard of the car your friend flew to Hogwarts. Your fifth was that same year when the basilisk bit you and Fawkes was too late. Your sixth was during the fourth year when the dragon broke it's chains before your broom arrived and you were eaten. Your seventh occurred when you were poisoned in your sixth year by a poorly dosed love potion courtesy of a Ginevra Weasley. Last, your eighth death was just today when you allowed yourself to be struck by the killing curse." Marcus read off in a monotone voice. Even though his voice held no emotion, you could see by his eyes that this being was supremely annoyed. Harry just gaped as he tried to absorb all of the information. Finally, he said

"So when I thought my luck had carried me through I actually had died and what, you guys fixed it somehow?"

Marcus smiled and nodded.

"I'm actually glad to see that all of the potions effects have worn off so quickly after your death. You are normally not as articulate and analytical until about an hour or so after you arrive. Before you ask, yes you were dosed with several potions, a wit dulling potion that you have been on since you first arrived at Hogwarts, a loyalty potion to Dumbledore, an anger-inducing potion that was introduced to you during your fourth year holidays and finally the aforementioned love potion keyed to Ginevra Weasley." He answered.

Harry absorbed this information as well and Marcus was pleased to see that Harry was beginning to get angry at his situation. Good, he thought, he needs to be angry. Creator only knows he has every right to be.

"So let me get this straight," Harry said through clenched teeth," Someone has been deliberately keeping me unprepared, stupid and off-balance and then to top it off the youngest Weasley had me on love potions for the last two years?"

At Marcus's affirming nod, Harry fumed and asked

"But why? Who would go to all this trouble?"

Marcus sighed and sat back, putting down the folder for the moment and folding his hands in front of him. Looking at Harry, he said in a kind voice

"It is the same man who is responsible for the majority of your deaths Harry. This man is responsible for where you were placed as a baby and has been manipulating your life ever since. The experiences you had at school each year were tests set up by this man in order to test your mettle so to speak. If there came up a situation that he did not create himself, he would manipulate the situation to make it into a test for you, such as your third year."

Harry knew who Marcus was talking about but just to be perfectly clear, he stated

"Albus Dumbledore that is who you are talking about."

Marcus nodded silently.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes for a second, wrestling control over his temper that he never knew he had. He though bitterly, thanks to the potions I was on I had no control. Once he felt more level-headed, Harry looked back up at Marcus and asked

"Okay, I gather this time I died is different, otherwise why would you bother telling me all of this? I gather my memory of being here before was removed before I was sent back, so that must mean this time is different as you have told me all of this information, which would be a waste if you were just going to wipe my mind again."

Marcus smiled and nodded, actually impressed by Harry's intellect. This was probably because each time Marcus had seen him; Harry had been under the previously mentioned potions and thus did not have cognitive ability.

"Well," Marcus began, "You are right. Normally we would just wipe your memory. However, upper management is rather pissed off at one Albas Dumbledore and his machinations. Since he is responsible for the majority of your deaths and you only got killed in the other cases because of bad information, we have decided to send you back with your memories up until the moment you died this last time along with some other information I will be giving you in order to make your destiny go a lot smoother and reach its proper conclusion. On top of this, I will make regular visits to you to check on your progress and give you any hints or information we have come up with when you change the time line. Before you ask, yes it means we are sending you back to a place before your last death. In fact you can go back to any of the previous times you have died as these are the easiest to change as we have already dabbled there before."

Harry had to admit it sounded like a great deal. With his future knowledge, he knew exactly where all of Tom's trinkets were and could quite easily get hold of them. If he played his cards right, by the end of second year Tom would be nothing more than a bad memory.

"Okay, so what do I do?" He asked with determination. Marcus smiled and slid over a contract along with a pen and said

"All you need to do is sign this form. It says you agree to the terms we discussed and that you will not tell anyone of your knowledge either about the future or of the afterlife. Once you sign it I'll have the guys from R and D come through to give you information to help with your new future."

Carefully, Harry read over the contract and saw that indeed it was exactly what Marcus said. With no hesitation, he signed the forms and handed them back to Marcus. Marcus smiled and picked up his phone and tapped out a number and waited a moment. When it picked up, he spoke into the phone with a grin

"Okay boys, its time and he has agreed."

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door and two people Harry least expected walked through the door.

End Prologue.

A/N: This story is loosely based on the Retillia 28's challenge with a few of my own twists to it. I got sick of reading stories that either were unfinished or went in some quite odd places so decided to do my own. If you like it, great. If not, peace man and good luck on finding a story you do like.


	2. Chapter 2

WTF?

Chapter 1.

Disclaimer: See previous chapter.

Chapter 1.

Harry left Marcus's office with a wicked grin on his face. Who knew that Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor were two of the most devious men to walk the earth, hence why they now rocked in the resurrection and destiny department. It was explained to him that this department was responsible for fixing a person's destiny when it did not go according to fate's designs. Normally R and D only had a small impact in a person's life, unless there was special dispensation such as in the case of Harry.

Harry also found out that Salazar Slytherin was not the asshole he was purported to be in historical texts as well as wizarding society. In fact he was overly protective of magical children and his views on muggles only came through a traumatic experience he had where one of his protégés were burnt at the stake by their parents when they returned home for the holidays. The boy, who was only 16 at the time, refused to give information to the inquisitors about the wizarding world or where he went to school and was then summarily executed by burning. Salazar had gone berserk when he had found out and had decimated the entire village with the inquisitors inside using fiend fire. It was then that he had decided that Muggle-borns needed to be protected from the Muggle world and began espousing the belief that the children once found to be magical should be taken from the Muggle world and raised in the magical world exclusively.

Godric could completely understand where his friend was coming from with this, but pointed out that while some muggles were likely to act in this way, that not all of them would react in such a cruel way to their own children. He also pointed out that there were also evil witches and wizards and they were on the majority the ones who were responsible for the witch trials in the first place as they were the ones who went to curse muggles crops or to inflict the Muggle populations with diseases or to torture them. Salazar eventually accepted this, but from that day, forward a closer eye was kept upon the Muggle borns, which was the first reason for the underage magical monitors. This was because when children were under stress they were more likely to exhibit accidental magic, so the monitors were set up and each case was investigated to make sure that the child was not being threatened or abused.

Salazar never really got over his student's death though and eventually he retired from Hogwarts leaving his three friends to continue their work. However, working in the R and D department had seemed to give Sal a new lease on his afterlife so to speak as it helped him work through the demons of his past by helping others through his department.

Harry followed Marcus to the departure room and as he had previously agreed with Marcus, he would be going to the point shortly after his revival following the zoo incident before he received his Hogwarts letter. There were many reasons to choose this time frame to go back to. Firstly, at this age if he sought medical treatment for his abuse, he would have a good chance of reaching full development as magical healing could undo most if not all of the damage that his body had gone through. By doing this through magical means as well, Magical Children's services would also be notified and this would then cause the DMLE to become involved. According to Sal once the DMLE got involved in a case of underage wizard abuse, there was very little that Dumbledore could do to prevent the investigation or protect his relatives from prosecution as the laws had been laid down in Sal's time, mostly at his instigation. They had only been strengthened since his time as muggles became more civilised. It became a bigger crime as they now knew better.

With his health then being monitored by Magical Children's services from that time until he graduated from Hogwarts, there was little chance that the potions he was previously under would be administered as they were easily detected. Every six months, Harry would be required to have a check-up at St Mungos and each scan would easily determine any abuse, potions of magic that was used against him for ill intent. Harry would still need to keep his eyes open though as he knew that Dumbledore would not give up so easily. Through the abuse case, Harry would also have the opportunity to file for emancipation as a minor with the department of Magical Children liaising with him on a regular basis to make sure he was doing fine and there was no need for future intervention.

Marcus shook his hand after they arrived at the portal, which looked similar to the veil in the Department of Mysteries.

"I'll be in touch on a regular basis to give you updates from Sal and Rick." Marcus told him as they shook hands. Harry nodded and without any further words, he stepped through the portal and everything went black for a time.

Harry woke up to find himself in the cupboard under the stairs. He knew that it was the day after the zoo visit and remembers from his past memories that Vernon had beaten him badly the night before which had, according to Marcus, caused his death. He also remembered that Vernon had been quite cautious around him for the few months after that incident, as he apparently knew that he could get into massive trouble if anyone found out about his actions. This then meant that Harry wold not have many chores to do except for cooking, which he did not really mind as it meant he could sneak food. This means that he had time to set up his mental defences so that Dumbledore and Snape could not peek into his mind and find out about his resurrection. He was roused from his thoughts by his Aunt opening the door cautiously to check on him. Harry pretended that he was still asleep and he heard his Aunt's sigh of relief when she saw that he was still breathing before she said in a sharp tone

"Up, boy! You need to make breakfast." With those words, she closed the door and walked off to tell Vernon he had not murdered Harry the night before.

Time-skip.

Today was the day, Harry thought to himself as he made breakfast for his relatives. His letter to Hogwarts would come today and thus the beginning of the rest of his new and improved life. Harry thought back over the previous couple of months and knew that his memories and assumptions had been true. Vernon avoided Harry whenever he could and once or twice Harry thought he saw a look of fear pass through the man's eyes. Harry was fine with this avoidance though as he loathed the man for all of the abuse he had suffered not only in this life but in his previous one as well. Harry could not forget that the man was responsible for him dying and this he would never forgive, especially because of his age.

Aunt Petunia had also been better as she had indeed reduced the amount of chores he had to do. However, this did not mitigate the years of abuse she not only instigated but allowed through her husband as well. Harry knew that Petunia wore the pants in his Aunt and uncle's relationship and thus she could have stopped his Uncle at any time. She had not though and this meant she was going to get everything coming to her.

Harry had also been thinking about his previous life during the last couple of months, which was unavoidable, as he had to sort through 17 years of memories. He recalled times when people had tried to help him throughout his childhood, but these people usually forgot about the complaint they made or they themselves were fired, in the case of teachers; or others somehow had the urge to move from the area shortly after having made the complaint. Harry suspected that Dumbledore had been responsible for this, although he doubted that the headmaster would take the time to do his own dirty work. This is why Sal suggested St Mungos as the best way to proceed as anyone trying to interfere with a child abuse investigation started through St Mungos and continuing through Magical Children's services would likely themselves end up in Azkaban in short order.

When Uncle Vernon ordered Harry to go get the mail, Harry just went and got it without arguing. He found his letter sitting on top of the pile of mail and slid it under his cupboard door while taking the rest to his Uncle. He knew he would have plenty of time once his uncle went to work to answer the letter.

Indeed, once the dishes were cleaned and Uncle Vernon departed, Harry had very little to do. He went back to his cupboard and opened up his letter. He scanned the parchment, making sure it was the same as he remembered. He then took out a piece of paper and a pen he had liberated earlier from the house and wrote a quick note to Professor McGonagall accepting his admission to Hogwarts and that he required no assistance with getting his school supplies. As much as he admired Professor McGonagall, he did not think she would allow him to do all he needed to do, as she was loyal to Dumbledore beyond reason at time it seemed to Harry.

Harry waited until he Aunt had gone out to tea with some of her neighbours and then left the house at the house for hopefully the last time. He walked for about half an hour and then went to the nearest bus stop once he was sure he was outside of the surveillance net that Mrs Figg had set up with her Neazles. It had been quite a surprise for Harry to learn from Rick that his movements were constantly tracked by the Squib within a five-block radius of his home.

Harry only had to wait for half an hour before the bus arrived and 15 minutes later, he arrived at the local train station. He bought a ticket to London with the remaining money he had liberated from Uncle Vernon's wallet the night before. Harry just considered it back pay for all of the work he had done for his relatives.

An hour later, he arrived at Kings-cross station and walked quickly to Charring Cross Road so as not to be bothered by good-Samaritans who might have thought he was lost. Once he arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, Harry with a pause, had slid on a ball cap which held his hair down and covered his scar before entering the wizarding world for the first time in his new life.

Harry first went to the bar and spotting Tom, walked up to him and asked

"Excuse me sir, may I use your Floo? I need to go to St Mungos."

Tom looked up when he first heard the boy's voice and was surprised at the condition of the boy before him. He looked only to be about 8 years old and he was very skinny, which was enhanced by the clothes he wore, which were obviously about four sizes too large for him.

"Sure thing lad. The Floo powder is just there on the mantle above the fire." Tom said, pointing to the jar, which contained a glittering powder. Harry smiled at him in thanks and taking a handful of the powder, threw it into the flames and called out

"St Mungos." He stepped into the green fire and was transported to the magical hospital.

A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed/favourites/followed the story, I appreciate it. Someone asked if this would be smutty as it is M rated. The answer is no it is not and will not be. The reason for the M rating is that people are going to die in this and it will not be pretty, as death usually isn't. Plus I have a filthy mouth sometimes and thus so does Harry. See you next time.


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